beach babies

Last weekend we went to Houston for my nephew's baby blessing. We went down to Galveston on Friday and Saturday and hung out at the beach. This was our kid's first time and they had a blast.

I love my kids' feet.

Abby was very nervous about the waves. Any time the tide would come in she would run away from it. Here she's watching the approaching waves, ready to belt. Carter, on the other hand, LOVED the ocean. He crawled head on into the waves like he was attacking them. So we would bring him to the towels and he'd immediately head straight back into the waves.




Abby LOVED playing in the sand. She learned how to make sand castles and bury her feet.

Carter just ate it.

Carter's just learning how to stand on his own and each time he does it we're hoping he'll decide to take a few steps.

Something about the water or the beach really got Carter excited.

Brian too.

two random, unrelated pictures

I put Abby's hair in pigtails for the first time the other day. She loved having them in, but not for long. And this girl will not sit still and smile for the camera. durnit.

Carter enjoys climbing. A lot. He's invincible for the first couple of steps and then, well, he gets stuck and cries for mommy. Wimp. :)

me? stressed?

I can't communicate with my daughter. She's two and a half and she has the vocabulary of a 23 month old, and half of that is in sign language.

My son begs to be held all the time, has major attachment issues, and he isn't walking yet.

I have to yell at my daughter in public so she can hear me.

I have a husband that travels.

I have so many appointments and speech therapy sessions to keep up with on a weekly basis.

Both of my kids are hearing impared. They have to get hearing aids.

I have to learn another language.



I think have a right to be stressed. But I don't want people to think that I am. I don't want to be "that mother" that always seems frazzled and maxed out. I want to be that mom that looks like she has it together, even if she doesn't. I don't want people to see that its hard, even though it is. Better yet, I don't want it to be hard. But it is. I don't want to admit that this is hard and that I might be struggling. And I don't want people to pity me and I don't want to have to ask for help.



So yeah. I'm stressed. But I don't want to be. And I don't want people to know that I am. I want to be positive about all of this and I don't want people to think that its the end of the





I don't want people to think that I'm just "surviving," because I think I've got it more together than that. I really think that I'm handling all of this pretty well. I think I'm actually doing BETTER since I found out about Abby's hearing loss, because now I can put a lable on why she is so delayed. Its a relief to know that something can be done to help her. I go to bed every night with a sense of peace and accomplishment and I still like my kids at the end of the day. To me, that's enough.



This has been such a humbling experience in so many ways. I don't like to show weakness, and I need to learn that its okay. I don't like to ask for people's help, but I know I should.



There is no real conclusion to all of this venting. I just needed to let it out.



I'm strong and I can do this.

insanity

I've always loved photography. My mom was a newspaper photographer and editor, so maybe I got my love of it from her. As a kid I took pictures and entered them in school contests and stuff, but it hasn't been until lately that I've really wanted to get serious about it. I think having kids makes you realize how fleeting moments are, and what better way to remember them than to capture them in a photograph. And with my kids having hearing loss, I want the pictures that I take to compensate for whatever memories their hearing loss might have taken away from them.

I've really wanted an SLR camera for a long time, and for a while now I've been doing a lot of research deciding which camera I want to buy. I also had the chance to borrow a friend's Nikon D80 yesterday to take pictures at a friend's very informal wedding. I've LOVED abosorbing myself in the photography world, but I feel like I'm going insane. Every time I closed my eyes last night, all I could see was different camera shots I had taken and how I could have improved them. It seems like now I see the world around me in frames and camera angles and one of the most common thoughts in my head lately is, "Oh, that would've been a good shot." It's like my perspective on the way I view the world has changed. I hope my right brain settles down a little bit cause it's maddening.

Here are some of the pictures I took yesterday. I had SO much fun, but man, I have a lot to learn! The first three pictures are from my camera, and the rest are from the D80.

teethage, cheekage and clingage

Carter's teeth are finally starting to show, although its taking forever for them to come in. What a great smile!

I just love it when babies have a wardrobe malfunction. Look at that juciness!

Carter has been SO CLINGY lately. He wants to be held all the time and if I'm away from him for too long he gets so upset and tugs and begs at my legs, like in the picture above. Abby was never this way at his age, so I don't quite know what to do with him. At first I thought it was cause he's been sick and he's teething, but people tell me that this is a normal stage. Oh my gosh. Really? Cause I can't take much more of this.

sweetness

At a family gathering on Sunday, I spotted Abby sitting at the table with a bunch of rambunctious game players. She was sitting so quitely staring outside and I thought of all the different things that could be going through her mind.

"I wish I could hear what they're saying."

"I'd rather be swimming..."

"This game is boring. Can we just skip to the ice cream?"

"How does Tiger Woods do it?"

"What's the meaning of life?"

But I was wrong. She was just loading her diaper.

hair! finally!

It's so white you can hardly tell, but it's there! Now if it turns curly I'll be in heaven!

spittin' image

He looks so much like Brian, especially when he sleeps. What a little man!

girls camp

I spent two days at girls camp Tuesday and Wednesday and was so grateful for the opportunity to hang out with the young women in my ward. It was a nice change of pace for me and we had a great time! Thanks to Melinda, Jill and Michelle who watched my kids while Brian was at work. I know that was a sacrifice!

Here are some pics.

Camp Langston surrounds this little lake, and the views are beautiful.

Our cabin was at the very end of this board walk on the other side of the lake from all the activities, so we got a good workout.

These two birds acted like they owned the place. They are the only two ducks on the property and were all up in everyone's business.


It was HOT. Can you tell by the look on Chelsea's face?
This chica was one of the horse trail leaders and she was quite a character. She has multi colored dreads and was always on her cell phone.