stupid, stupid, STUPID

Last night I had a dream that I took Abby to a department store and was looking at some dresses when I noticed that Abby wasn't beside me. So I started looking everywhere and calling her name and I couldn't find her. I started to panic and ran around to every kid I could see hoping it was her. Finally I found her playing with some kids in another department and I remember kicking myself in my dream because I didn't keep an eye on her. Sometimes I think we are given those kinds of dreams to keep our real life parenting in check. So you'd think that I would be more cautious today, right? WRONG. Today we were at the pool and I was getting Abby and Carter ready to go back home. I took Abby's inflatable swimsuit off and gave her a peanut butter sandwich and then started changing Carter's clothes. I didn't notice Abby going to the side of the pool, but my sister-in-law Carrie did, so she kept an eye on her. And for some reason in my mind, I was thinking that she still had her swimming vest on so I didn't even worry about her. Normally I check on Abby maybe every minute or so. It's a worried mother's obession, and a healthy one at that. But I think her inflatable swimsuit has given me and her a false sense of security. When its on, she's safe and can play without me being beside her all of the time. She doesn't know that she can't float without it, so that's pretty dangerous when I forget she's not wearing it. So me and Carrie were engrossed in conversation and I was fighting Carter to put his shirt on, and the next thing I know, a lady is yelling and I look over and see Abby silently struggling to keep her head above water. So I bolted to her, leaving Carter by himself on the table (of course) and ran and got her. The lady made it to her first and pulled her out. Abby was fine, she was only in the water for a few seconds and she was more worried about my shoes that had fallen in the water than what had just happened to her. But I was NOT fine. I fought back tears. I'm NOT fine. HOW STUPID! Me, Carrie, this lady and our kids were the only people at the pool. What if that mother wasn't there and didn't see Abby walk into the water? What if Carrie didn't have her eye on her? When would I have turned to look for her? Oh my gosh. It scares me to think... Oh and to make it worse, I left Carter on the table by himself and just as we were walking back he reached down to get the phone he dropped and could have fallen off the table. I'm just RAKING in the bad mother points today. Looking back, there are lots of "shouldn't haves," and "should haves" but I can't change the past. The fact of the matter is that it happened, and it could have been terribly worse. And I could have prevented any of it from happening by paying better attention. I'm sure you're wondering why I am admitting to the blogging world one of the stupidest things I have ever done. I'm doing it because I need a personal repremand and a reminder of this close call. Of course I know how vitally important it is to watch your children, and I intend on NEVER doing something so stupid again, but its also important to listen to the reminders and promptings of the spirit. Whether they come in a dream, or a nagging thought in your head, or any other form... listen and act on it every time. Better believe I will.