reservoir

For Family Home Evening tonight we went to the Muddy Creek Reservior, which is half a mile behind our house. We've never been there before and I've seen people walking the trail so I was intrigued. To make it a learning experience we printed out pictures of nature and went on a scavenger hunt.

It was more beautiful than we had expected, and the kids had a great time, so I think we'll try to make it a regular field trip. It's like a hidden gem in our own backyard. It would even be a fabulous place to do a photoshoot if anyone around here is interested.

Looks like people use this area as a driving range, because there are dozens of balls all over the place. Carter had his pockets and hands full of them. It was like he had won the lottery.

My little bug. What a sweet boy.

Here's a pic of Abby's cochlear implant. First one I've taken.



Beautiful weeds.

Except for a simple crop, I didn't edit this last picture at all. The sunset was naturally that beautiful.

Galveston

Last weekend we went with some friends down to Galveston for the weekend. We rented an ocean front house with a private beach and we spent the weekend being total beach bums. I've never seen a group of kids so content to be in one place for so long, and a group of parents so relaxed.

I already want to go back.

day of firsts

I'm so late in posting this!



Abby's first day of school was Monday and she was SO excited to go (although you can't tell in this picture.) She was a little shy to start, but later Mrs. Adams said that it was as if there was no summer break. She fell right into the swing of things. Abby does so well in a school setting, and she is learning SO much, so I'm okay with sending my little three year old pixie off to school.


We picked Abby up from school on Monday and went straight to the audiologist to get her cochlear implant activated. I was really nervous about it, afraid that Abby might react negatively to it, but it was really kind of anti-climatic. The audiologist tested her equipment, put it on, and we started making sounds. Abby was playing with toys and when she heard something she would look up. There were no "aha!" moments and the sounds didn't scare her. The audiologist said she turned her up pretty high for a first time map because she seemed to tolerate the loudness.


We brought the class mascot "hendrix" with us so he could be a part of the moment, and this is the only picture I took of the activation. We took video of it, but it's actually quite boring so I'll spare you and tuck it away for future viewing.

Abby has done SO WELL with her implant so far. She's been wearing it the majority of the day and actually enjoys having it on. I think she realizes the benefit, although she is still so new to it. In Auditory Verbal therapy today she did things that she has yet to do in therapy before, namely following four part commands (i.e. "put the baby in the car and the boy in the firetruck") So we're optimistic that she will learn quickly and get lots of benefit from her implant.

While we were at the audiologist, we got new earmold impressions made and Carter did not like it at ALL! We had to hold his arms and his head in a certain position to keep him from pulling it out. What a stinker. I haven't posted much about Carter lately so I'll be sure so post something real soon.

speechless

We headed down to the beach, Abby running ahead of me anxious to join the others. We started laying down blankets and Abby sat with the other kids, looking for shells and digging in the sand. She jumped up and followed Sade into the water giggling as she laid back and let the warm water tickle her as the waves came in. It took me longer than a moment to register that I didn't take off her hearing aid. I ran over to her, waving my hands to get her attention and called her over to me. I felt around her right ear. Nothing. I asked her where her hearing aid was and she shook her head. "No hearing aid!" She said, and ran off to play. I quickly went to Brian and asked him if he had taken off her hearing aid and he said no. I did a quick search of the towels, the sand, the shovels and toys, saying a silent prayer that I would be able to find it, but knowing in my gut that the hearing aid was gone. In the ocean. For good.

I ran up to Abby and with earnestness I said, "Abby. I need to know where your hearing aid is. Where did you put your hearing aid?" She pointed to the waves, and said, "In the water." "You put your hearing aid in the water?" I asked incredulously. I began to panic. That's a $6,000 hearing aid. Abby's first day of school is on Monday. She can't communicate without it. What am I going to do? I grabbed Brian and said, Abby told me she put her hearing aid in the water." Brian said, "Are you sure?" and looked around the beach while I went to the shoreline. I surveyed the coast, the waves moving in and out, remembering the large area of space that Abby had covered before I realized it was gone and feeling completely and totally defeated. Brian walked over to me and asked me a question, and as he was talking I looked down at our feet. A wave was coming in, and I saw something hovering a few feet from where we stood. I squinted my eyes, looked closer and yelled, "Oh my gosh!" I quickly bent over and plucked Abby's purple hearing aid out of the ocean.

Brian's mouth gaped open. "You're kidding. How did you.....?" I immediately went into hearing aid CPR mode, saying another prayer that it might still work. I wiped it dry, took out the battery, and started blowing furiously into the battery compartment, trying to dry out the inside as much as possible. Continuing to blow, I walked back to the beach house, grabbed a replacement battery and tried it out. Nothing.

"Come on, come on, come on," I said under my breath and went upstairs to the kitchen, where the air was dry and cool, and continued to force air into the hearing aid, kicking myself that I didn't bring her de-humidifier. I closed the battery compartment again, waited, and then heard the sweet sound of feedback.

I gasped, and immediately my eyes filled with tears. I stood quietly, thanking the Lord for this small little miracle as Abby's hearing aid squealed with feedback.

How sweet the sound.

Ninth Place

There's this website called I Heart Faces where they have weekly photography contests. This weeks contest theme was "Bubbles." I submitted a picture I took a while back and got 9th place! Nothin' big, but its still nice to be recognized.


Here's the link to the website. Scroll down to find my pic.

http://iheartfaces.blogspot.com/2009/08/week-32-bubbles-photo-challenge-winners.html

Lots

Just got back from a trip to Galveston. Lots to write about, and lots happening this week. Stay tuned.

not so much

Many of you may not know that my husband has a job that requires him to travel. A LOT. I never say anything about it on the blog because I don't really want to broadcast to the world when I'm home alone.

We've been married for five years, and he's had the job for five years, and so a traveling husband is really all I know. One year, 60% of his work days were spent traveling, this year hasn't been that bad, but I bet its hovering around 40-50%.

In all honesty I really quite hate it, but its a good job, he loves what he does, and the insurance is IN.CRE.DI.BLE. That in itself is reason alone to stay, especially considering our circumstances. We just call it paying our dues until something better comes our way.

When Brian travels, its usually Sunday through Thursday or Monday through Friday. He's always home on weekends. However, this past project is an international one, and because of a tight work schedule, he had to stay over for two weeks for the first time ever. And then I got invited to attend a parents of HOH children retreat friday-sunday,(more on that later) and so Brian and I missed seeing eachother by a few hours. We were away from eachother for 12 nights, and it pretty much sucked.

So for those out there who have a military husband, or have ever spent a great deal of time away from your spouse, I commend you on your strength, and my heart goes out to you.

wanna see something incredible?

One of Abby's classmates has this same condition in one of his ears.

aye yai yai

We went in for my little cochlear implant technology lesson with the audiologist today. It's a little overwhelming knowing that I am going to be responsible for working, troubleshooting, and sometime fixing this very expensive equipment. She showed me all of Abby's gear and how to work it, and we let Abby put it on to try it out. Abby was so excited to wear it, so hopefully she will be just as excited when they turn it on. She also hooked Abby up to the computer and did a check on her implant to make sure everything was working properly, and we left with a box full of Med-el toys for the kids.


Abby's "activation" date is Monday, August 24th, which is also her first day of school. Exciting times ahead! Yay!

passion

Is there something that you are passionate about?

I mean, aside from raising a family.

Is there something that consumes your thoughts when you're mind is free to wander? Something that you could do all the time and never tire of it? Something that you feel if it wasn't in your life you would not be complete? Perhaps its a hobby, or something you have made a living doing. Or maybe its something that you feel compelled, maybe even obligated to do. Sort of like a life's calling.

What's your passion?

Have your passions changed over the years?

What's your calling in life?

(Aside from raising your family.)


I want to know.

Do tell.

three dollars

He walked by me swiftly, dropping something on the table as he passed. The thump jolted me from my deep phone conversation and I looked down to see a white business card with a star pin attached.

It said: "I am deaf and I make a living by selling these pins for $3. Thank you for your kindness."

It was two days before Abby's CI surgery and we were at McDonalds. The kids had abandonded their chicken nuggets to go play in the tunnels, and I was catching up with a friend on the phone. I quickly ended my phone call and looked around to find the man that had left it. He was an average looking man, early 40's and reasonably dressed, but he seemed terribly shy, with slumped shoulders and downturned eyes. My heart went out to him, and as he walked by our table I stopped him.

I smiled and akwardly signed, "My kids have hearing loss" and pointed to the play area. He looked their direction and nodded. "I sign a little," I signed, and he replied with a few gestures I didn't understand. Obviously I need to work on my comprehension. He then pointed to the pin he had placed on my table and I said, "Oh! Um, let me see what I have." I looked in my wallet and only found a ten dollar bill, so I gulped and passed it along to him. "Thank you!" he signed, I nodded back, and he went on his way.

As he walked away, my thoughts immediately turned to Abby and Carter. What if they became totally deaf? What if we raised them to not understand spoken language? How would they function in the world? Would they do well in school? Would they go to college? Would they have promising careers, or would they end up selling pins for $3 at fast food restaurants? My head swimmed at the thought of it.

My worries and obsessions about Abby's surgery suddenly dissolved and I blinked away tears of gratitude for the opportunities we've had that have allowed us to give our children this quality of life. Although I respect the Deaf community and realize that you can be happy and successful as a Deaf person, I am glad we have chosen the verbal route. I am glad that my children are thriving in the hearing world. I'm so grateful for the technology and therapy that is available to us, that will allow them to be fully functioning in mainstream society. I'm grateful that we have the financial means to make it possible for our children. I'm grateful that we have family, friends, doctors, therapists, and teachers that support us along our journey.

And I'm especially grateful for moments like this, that help remind me of our innumerable blessings and give me a little perspective.

who are you?

And what have you done with my little boy?

Something is up with Carter. The past few days, with or without his hearing aids on, he is mimmicing EVERYTHING we say, down to every internal and ending consonant. If I didn't know any better, I would think that he hears perfectly. It's great and all, but the sudden increase is very strange.

Even stranger, he asked for MILK today! He hasn't had milk in over a year! One day he came down with a stomach virus and quit milk cold turkey and hasn't had it since. Lo and behold, today he asked Brian for chocolate milk. (pronounced "chaklat") And then actually drank the whole thing. I was gobsmacked.

And WORST of ALL, he was being rotton (he's in a hitting phase) and so Brian put him in his crib for a little time out and I bet you can guess what he did. Yep. He climbed out. We were all in the kitchen when we heard his door open. Our heads shot up, Brian's mouth gaped open, and I yelled, "Nooooo!"

Since her surgery, Abby is having a really hard time going to bed on her own in her own bed at a decent hour, so the last thing we need is Carter adding to our bedtime nightmare.

Maybe this is what they mean by "Growing Pains."

Oh, who are the parents in your neighborhood

Thursday me and the kids went outside to play. Our next door neighbor was mowing his lawn and his kids were playing outside with another neighbor kid. The neighbor mowing the lawn was obviously not watching his kids or the neighbor kid as he was fussing with his broken lawn mower, and I didn't see the other kid's mom anywhere, so I asked him where he lived. "Right there." he pointed to a house on a street perpendicular to ours. "Are you out here by yourself?" I asked. "Yes, my mom is watching my baby sister inside." "How old are you?" I inquired. "Five."

FIVE??? Five years old and playing by himself. Would you let your five year old play outside, across a busy street and onto another street, by himself with no adult supervision? And our neighbor friends say that he's been on our street multiple times by himself.

So then my kids start playing with the other kids (who are 3, 5 and 8) and so of course I felt responsible for them all. So the oldest girl says she wants to go see if her friend a few houses down can come play and so they walk over. Abby and Carter follow, despite my protests, and the oldest knocks on the door.

I've never met this family, and so I felt a little weird standing there while they asked if the girl could come play. All the kids are surrounding the door and one of them walks in the house, and Abby and Carter, being the curious kids that they are, took a few steps in the house. I walked closer to the house, telling them to come back, but the lady said, in broken English, "No, it's okay. Let them come in. Please, come in too." So I akwardly walked into her house and all the kids started exploring. This lady has an older girl and 15 month old triplets, and Carter started pushing one of the babies in the baby swing. I told Carter to stop but the lady said, "It's alright. Let him do it." Abby was getting up in the face of one of the other babies, and I again told her to stop. "Please", the lady said, "She's okay. Let her play with them." A THIRD time, I try to keep my kids in line and she said something like, "Let them do what they want to do. I feel like you should let children do the things they want to do, because if you don't they are going to get too curious about it and explore and do it anyway. So I let my children do what they want to do."

Um... okaaaayyyy...

wallamelon

breathing between the waves

One of my most favorite photographers, who also happens to be an excellent writer, wrote a blog entry today that really hit me. You MUST read it.

http://www.jasminestarblog.com/index.cfm?postID=629

i think its safe to say

That things are getting back to normal around here.

Yesterday morning before church I found Abby in her room laying over Carter drawing all over his body. I thought it was the non-washable crayola markers and so I yelled, "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! No No NO!" and Brian, thinking Abby might be hurt, came running from the other room in a panic. He about killed me when he realized that it was just washable marker.

abby's surgery

Thursday night we let Abby stay up late. She fell asleep at 10:30 on my lap as we were sitting on the couch, and I sat with her for a long time stroking her ear and talking with Brian about surgery. I've really been struggling this past week with all of this reality. I came to terms with her hearing loss a long time ago, but it seems like I'm having to accept it all over again. This surgery cements in my mind that she is deaf and life is going to be different after this. Plus the stress of her going into major surgery, and then knowing whatever hearing she had in that ear is now going to be GONE... It's a lot for me to swallow.

My mom and all four sisters came over to watch Carter and clean our house while we were away. (We've been alternating "spring cleaning" eachothers houses this summer and it was my turn.) None of my family lives close, except for one sister in McKinney, so it was a real sacrifice for them to get up super early and drive over an hour to get here. Carter had fun playing with his cousins and the girls scrubbed my house until it was gleaming. My mom and Suzy even bought us a new vacuum (what the what?!) because ours is so crappy. How embarrasing! I have, hands down, the BESTEST family in. the. world and I am forever grateful. Thank you all SO MUCH for helping us out. I love you!

Anyway, we got to the surgery center at 9am and didn't get into pre-op until 10:30. Abby had fun in the waiting room, but as soon as they opened the door to let us into pre-op, Abby freaked out. She realized at that point that this was the "doctor visit" we had been talking about to prepare her, and she wasn't too excited about it. We got her a toy and a video and she calmed down a bit, but not enough for the nurse to get her stats. So they gave her some silly juice, but it never kicked in, so they gave her something else, lortab I think, and she finally began to loosen up a bit.

I was strong up until they came in to get her. She screamed as they picked her up and I started to cry. This surgery wasn't a "necessary" option. It was a decision we made to better her way of life, and so it is much harder to feel good about sending your child off in this situation. So many times I wanted to back out of it, but I know it will be for the best.

The surgery went well. None of the risks involved (gusher, facial nerve damage, taste bud nerve damage, etc) happened, and the device was implanted successfully.

Recovery was crazy for Abby though. Imagine being taken away from your mom and dad and then being put to sleep. When you wake up, you're in a strange place with strange people, the left side of your head is throbbing, you have a huge red bandage wrapped around your head, and there are these things on your arms that won't let you bend them. I'm sure she felt like a caged animal, and from what they told us, she kinda acted like one too. So they gave her something to calm her down and make her sleepy and they brought us in. We waited for a bit and then woke her up. She was pretty upset about things, especially the "no-nos" on her arms, and so we decided to take them off and see how she would do without them. She immediately went for her bandage, but we threatened to put the no-nos on again and she decided not to touch her head anymore.

From start to finish we were there for seven hours. We got home around 4pm and Abby slept most of the rest of the day and all through the night. She kept her head brace on until 4am and I didn't argue with her when she took it off. (Ideally we were to take it off when she woke up the next morning.)

Today she was more herself, but VERY protective of her head. "Noooooo... Don't touch!" is her mantra today and I'm sure it will be until her swelling goes down. She doesn't seem to hate us thought, so that's good. The swelling is really bad. Her ear is sticking straight out, and her already full face is about twice its size on her left side. The pain seems to be managable though, and she was mobile and played around today, so things are slowly getting back to normal. Whatever that is now.

Her cochlear implant activation is in a few weeks, and until then she will only have her right ear to hear with. But that ear still works really great with a hearing aid, and so far she's been responding really well, so I'm relieved.

Thanks to everyone who has prayed for us and helped us through this big moment in our lives. We ask for your continued prayers as we go through this CI journey with Abby.

dear orville,

WHY did you have to go and make such irrestible kettle corn?

name game

So according to the Social Security Administration, the name Abby has consistently stayed in the top ten most popular names in the state of Texas for the last eight years. Carter doesn't even make the top 100.

So why is it that I don't know a SINGLE Abigail besides my own, and yet I have two friends with a toddler named Carter, I just found out my kids have a second cousin named Carter, and in the past week I have come across two more people with kids named Carter?

Granted, Carter was ranked number 65 in the US last year. But still.

We chose Carter's name because it is a family surname and we thought it was a little unique.

Oh well...

this has been my day

remember whensday

Has THIS ever happened to you?

ti-red

Just got back from our vacation to Utah. We're all still a little tired around here.

is it just me

Or does it seem like American's totally over use the word ABSOLUTELY.

Remember WHENsday

We've been a little nostalgic lately, reading through some of our old posts. This has been an eventful three years of blogging and its fun to remember some of the crazy stuff.

Remember this fiasco?

4th traditions

Growing up we would spend every 4th of July at my grandparents lake house in Benbrook. We would eat brisket and fried chicken, swim, and play pool in the house. There were no fireworks restrictions so at dusk all the men and kids would go out to the end of the dock and launch fireworks. And later, when I didn't care so much to be a part of the action, I would sit with the ladies on the lake front and watch fireworks go off all around the lake. Some of my fondest childhood memories are about the fourth of July at the lake. My Grandpa died several years ago, we sold the lakefront property and the tradition died. I miss those times.

Now that we have kids of our own, we want to starts some fourth of July traditions. I think one we might do is take the kids to the Fantastic Fireworks stand near our house. The stand is surrounded by a wheat field and it has so much character.






Abby and Carter had fun looking at the colorful boxes, as well as the colorful people. I think Abby spotted a dog in this picture, just not sure why they both look so disgusted.

happy 4th!

Hope your day is full of everything American!

broken

Last night I was reading a few postings on a cochlear implant message board and they were talking about how they told their child that he/she was deaf and how their children came to accept their hearing loss.

A few people responded by saying that they told their child that their ears were "broken" and a smart person made something to put in their ears to help them hear. For example, one lady said:

"I made it very simple.
From the time [my daughter] was very young I would tell her that she was born different.
That her ears were broken...and [the doctor] fixed them.
When she got a bit older i went into further detail and told her that broken also meant deaf.
That her ears do not work like mine.
That she needs the implants to make her hear and just like some people need glasses to see some people need hearing devices to hear."

What she said really hit me hard and I went into our bedroom and cried.

My kids are deaf.

My kids' ears don't work right.

My kids are different.

My kids will need hearing aids and CI's for the rest. of. their. lives.

.....And someday I'm going to have to tell them this.


It's been about two years since we've started our hearing loss journey. The diagnosis process with both kids was long and tearful, acceptance was naturally and expectedly hard, but eventually we came to terms with the hand that we've been dealt and have since had a very positive and optomistic attitude about it. This is our life, and we love it. I haven't cried about it in a very long time.

But last night, I felt like I was living it all over again.

First of all, the term "broken" makes me so sad. Abby and Carter are doing so well and are such NORMAL children, I've never honestly thought of them as broken. Delayed, yes. Broken, no. Last night, for the first time since maybe their diagnosis, I saw them as handicapped, and it overwhelmed me.

I don't want to think of them as broken. I don't EVER want Abby and Carter to feel like they are broken. I don't want other people to think they are different. I don't want Abby and Carter to feel different.

I don't want them to hurt.

But the fact of the matter is, regardless of disability, gender, ethnicity, social status, hair color, shoe size... every child is going to feel different. Every child is going to hurt. That's a part of life.

My job is to educate them about their hearing loss in a positive manner, give them confidence, and comfort them when they do hurt.

Abby and Carter are still too young to fully understand their inability to hear. But with Abby's CI surgery looming ahead, I know the time when Abby will understand is getting closer, and I dread the day when Abby will come to me with tears in her eyes and ask, "why am I different?" "Why can't I hear when I takes these off?" "Why do I have to wear things in my ears when other kids don't?" "Why did it have to happen to me?"

I'm not going to say:

"because you were born different."
"beause your ears are broken."

I hope that instead I will hold her and say, "because Heavenly Father gave you a unique challenge, and you are special."

And I hope that's enough.

maniacs

Abby and Carter lu-u-u-v-uh the water. So needless to say we spend a lot of time at our community pool. They love to jump, play in the splash park, Abby likes diving and jumping in the pool all sorts of ways, Carter swims with his face under the water now, and Abby and I are training for the first mother-daughter water gymnastics team. Abby is generally a very physically cautious person, but in the water she's confident and daring, so we've been trying out all sorts of wild stuff.

He never holds back.

I put this picture in to show Carter's default stance. He puts his hands on his belly and wiggles his fingers, and he does it all the time. SO CUTE.

I don't dare take my camera in the water, so unfortunately missed out on the crossed eyes and silly faces that she was giving Daddy.



This is her horizontal belly jump. I give it a 8.5 for form and a 9.75 for splash.