Lisa and Carson

no pain, no gain

So with the encouragement of my sis-in-law Jill, I decided to make Carter cry it out the other day. Man, that was SO hard! I was jumping out of my skin and it took a lot of self control to not go in there and get him. I put him to bed at 7:45 on Friday night and he cried for an HOUR before he finally fell asleep. (But I hear that's actually pretty good compared to other kids.) The next night my sister Melinda watched the kids and she put him to bed and he went down without crying at all. Then Sunday night we put him to bed and he cried for about five minutes and was done. Last night he went down at a good time without crying at all. Yay!

I guess the poor kid forgot how to soothe himself to sleep and he just needed to figure it out and the only way I could do that was to stop comforting him and rocking him to sleep. I know a lot of parents might think that's not the right way to do it, but it works.

little momma

This is baby Carson, Abby's new interest. He is the 2 month old baby of my neice and nephew, Kenny and Texas, who staying with us for a few more weeks while Kenny finishes his internship at a law firm downtown. It took a while for Abby to get the courage to confront Carson, but now that she has, she can't get enough of him. She loves to play little momma.

The pictures didn't turn out so hot cause I didn't realize I wasn't shooting at the hightest resolution, so I experimented and muted the colors a little.

not so great

Abby is not doing too well with her hearing aids any more. At first she was okay with me putting them on, but now she yells, "no no no no no no no no!" and runs away. And she even gets upset when I put them on Carter. Carter is doing much better than Abby with them, but the last two days he has been rubbing his right ear really bad and he won't keep the hearing aids in his ears. I hope that doesn't mean an ear infection.... Plus, I think his molds are too small cause they come out really easily.

The volume is not turned up very high on either of their hearing aids, and I think if they were turned up to where she could actually hear better, she might recognize the benefit and want to put them on. We have an appointment on Tuesday to get them turned up, so we'll see if that helps. My mom has a suprise for Abby that will be coming soon, and I think that will help too. I'm very excited about it!

I know wearing hearing aids is a process, and it does take a lot of time, but its pretty discouraging. I HATE fighting my kids, and now I have to fight them constantly during the day with their hearing aids. I don't like it at all, but I don't have a choice. So wish me luck. :)

I want my evenings back!

For the past month, Carter has been having some major sleeping problems. He used to go to bed peacefully at 7:30 or 8:00 pm put himself to sleep and sleep through the night. But NOW he's refusing to go to bed and sometimes I can't get him to go to sleep until 9:30 or 10pm!

So this is an average sleeping day for Carter now: He wakes up at 7:30 or 8 am and only takes one nap for 2 hours at noon (he goes down easily during naps still). And then at night I will try to put him to bed at 8pm and he will scream when I put him down. I've tried many times to let him cry it out, but he'll cry for 30 minutes or more before I give up, and when I go in to get him he will be sweaty and standing up in his crib practically trying to climb out. I think he would cry for hours he's that desperate to get out. So then I've tried rocking him to sleep, and he will just squirm and wiggle like he's not tired, and I can't get him to settle down. So then I put him back in his crib and the cycle continues. So usually I give up and let him play for a while and try again in another 30 minutes or so, and then I repeat. Finally he'll get tired enough to go to bed, but not until I rock him to sleep or almost to sleep, which I don't believe is healthy for a baby. AND lately he's been getting up at 2 or 3 am and can't soothe himself back to sleep, so I have to go in there and help him go back to sleep again.

I don't know if this is just a phase, or maybe the fact that he's sleeping in a different room because we have company staying in his room, but he should be used to that by now. I've also considered that maybe he is going to bed too late and he's over tired, so I will try to put him to bed around 7 or something. He's teething too, but still... nothing you would think would cause his behavior. But then again, Carter is a different kind of kid. Very touchy and sensitive, and things have to be "just so." So I don't know.

He acts like he's just not tired, but he's only getting like 12 hours a day. I have been reading some things that say that some kids just need less sleep than others, but that isn't very comforting to me. I just want him to go to bed by 8 or even 8:30 again! Is that too much to ask? I don't know quite what to do. Any great ideas?

unattended

This is what happens when you leave your one year old alone outside for a minute while you grab his swim suit. I found him sitting there waving the hose around like crazy and having a good old time! The hose was in the pool way out of reach, so he must have had some help from Abby.

not bad

...for a camera phone. Brian took this picture of the San Antonio temple with his phone last week.

the worst

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night with a migraine? I did last night. I get headaches all the time, but hardly ever do I get serious migraines. I mean the kind that give you the shakes, cold sweat, and nausea, and every light and noise and movement makes it worse, and all you can do is lay in a dark room and hope that sleep takes over and it goes away. And so of course, Brian is out of town, so I called his parents, who came over immediately and gave me a blessing and dosed me with some Excedrin Migraine, but not before I threw up, in the sink, with my mother-in-law beside me. How embarrasing!

I was so afraid that I would still have the migraine in the morning, and I wouldn't be able to function for my kids, so my mother-in-law stayed the night with me and got the kids up this morning so I could sleep it off. She sacrificed her morning shift at the temple for me and I am so grateful. She was a lifesaver!

I woke up this morning with no headache, just the jitters from the residual caffiene in the Excedrin, but that was a scary moment for me and one I had never been in before. To be by myself and know that I wouldn't be able to take care of my children is a position I don't ever want to be in again.

I am so grateful for my wonderful in-laws, and that we live so close to family. And I am especially grateful for the healing power of priesthood blessings. Oh. And Excedrin.

The BIG DAY

Abby and Carter got their hearing aids this afternoon. So everyone that has had experience with hearing aids has told me that it might take a while for the kids to get used to them, which means a lot of fighting the kids to keep their hearing aids on. So needless to day, I've been really nervous about today. I was expecting Carter to pull them right off, and I thought Abby might be more accepting of them, but actually they both did really well! They kept them on the whole hour we were there, and then Abby wore them for a while before bed. This is a good thing!

Abby was so cute when they put hers on for the first time. She giggled and thought it was really cool. She almost immediately started making more sounds and talking with more articulation than I have heard in a long time. It was awesome, but I wasn't expecting it! The audiologist did not put their hearing aids at full volume just yet (which is normal) because we want them to get used to the fit of the hearing aids first and slowly adjust to the sound. It will be about a month before Abby is at full volume and a little less for Carter. So, no, they can't miraculously hear the minute they put them on. It will even take a while for them to understand what some of the sounds are because they may have never heard them before. This is a long process, but I am so exited for my babies!

Thank you, Mom and Bunny, for coming with us!

Carter CAN

Take 30 seconds to watch Carter. He just started walking earlier last week and he's unstoppable now!

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

faded

This is a picture of me and Abby in March. Man. We were pale.

It's amazing how spending every day in the sun can lighten the hair and darken the skin. Don't you love Abby's platinum blonde hair?

SO big

Carter started walking this week! He still prefers to crawl but he's doing more independent standing and can walk from one end of the room to another. I can't wait for Brian to get back in town so he can see the progress he's made.

He can also say/sign a few words. He says, "uh-oh," and "go" and he signs "more," "bye-bye," "milk," and I swear he signed "Abby" this morning. For his hearing imparement he's doing pretty well, so I'm very pleased.

Oh, and Abby had her MRI yesterday and she did good. No test results for a couple of weeks though. We're scheduled to get their hearing aids next Tuesday, so wish us luck. This is HUGE.

My sister Missy is a budding photographer itching to take someone's family portraits for FREE.

Click HERE to enter.

stupid, stupid, STUPID

Last night I had a dream that I took Abby to a department store and was looking at some dresses when I noticed that Abby wasn't beside me. So I started looking everywhere and calling her name and I couldn't find her. I started to panic and ran around to every kid I could see hoping it was her. Finally I found her playing with some kids in another department and I remember kicking myself in my dream because I didn't keep an eye on her. Sometimes I think we are given those kinds of dreams to keep our real life parenting in check. So you'd think that I would be more cautious today, right? WRONG. Today we were at the pool and I was getting Abby and Carter ready to go back home. I took Abby's inflatable swimsuit off and gave her a peanut butter sandwich and then started changing Carter's clothes. I didn't notice Abby going to the side of the pool, but my sister-in-law Carrie did, so she kept an eye on her. And for some reason in my mind, I was thinking that she still had her swimming vest on so I didn't even worry about her. Normally I check on Abby maybe every minute or so. It's a worried mother's obession, and a healthy one at that. But I think her inflatable swimsuit has given me and her a false sense of security. When its on, she's safe and can play without me being beside her all of the time. She doesn't know that she can't float without it, so that's pretty dangerous when I forget she's not wearing it. So me and Carrie were engrossed in conversation and I was fighting Carter to put his shirt on, and the next thing I know, a lady is yelling and I look over and see Abby silently struggling to keep her head above water. So I bolted to her, leaving Carter by himself on the table (of course) and ran and got her. The lady made it to her first and pulled her out. Abby was fine, she was only in the water for a few seconds and she was more worried about my shoes that had fallen in the water than what had just happened to her. But I was NOT fine. I fought back tears. I'm NOT fine. HOW STUPID! Me, Carrie, this lady and our kids were the only people at the pool. What if that mother wasn't there and didn't see Abby walk into the water? What if Carrie didn't have her eye on her? When would I have turned to look for her? Oh my gosh. It scares me to think... Oh and to make it worse, I left Carter on the table by himself and just as we were walking back he reached down to get the phone he dropped and could have fallen off the table. I'm just RAKING in the bad mother points today. Looking back, there are lots of "shouldn't haves," and "should haves" but I can't change the past. The fact of the matter is that it happened, and it could have been terribly worse. And I could have prevented any of it from happening by paying better attention. I'm sure you're wondering why I am admitting to the blogging world one of the stupidest things I have ever done. I'm doing it because I need a personal repremand and a reminder of this close call. Of course I know how vitally important it is to watch your children, and I intend on NEVER doing something so stupid again, but its also important to listen to the reminders and promptings of the spirit. Whether they come in a dream, or a nagging thought in your head, or any other form... listen and act on it every time. Better believe I will.

I want

I snagged Missy's camera for a couple of minutes while we were in Houston this weekend and got a few shots of my kids. Those six pictures I took look SO much better than anything that has ever come out of my camera. Better hold on tight to that thing Missy, cause it could disappear one day.

beach babies

Last weekend we went to Houston for my nephew's baby blessing. We went down to Galveston on Friday and Saturday and hung out at the beach. This was our kid's first time and they had a blast.

I love my kids' feet.

Abby was very nervous about the waves. Any time the tide would come in she would run away from it. Here she's watching the approaching waves, ready to belt. Carter, on the other hand, LOVED the ocean. He crawled head on into the waves like he was attacking them. So we would bring him to the towels and he'd immediately head straight back into the waves.




Abby LOVED playing in the sand. She learned how to make sand castles and bury her feet.

Carter just ate it.

Carter's just learning how to stand on his own and each time he does it we're hoping he'll decide to take a few steps.

Something about the water or the beach really got Carter excited.

Brian too.

two random, unrelated pictures

I put Abby's hair in pigtails for the first time the other day. She loved having them in, but not for long. And this girl will not sit still and smile for the camera. durnit.

Carter enjoys climbing. A lot. He's invincible for the first couple of steps and then, well, he gets stuck and cries for mommy. Wimp. :)

me? stressed?

I can't communicate with my daughter. She's two and a half and she has the vocabulary of a 23 month old, and half of that is in sign language.

My son begs to be held all the time, has major attachment issues, and he isn't walking yet.

I have to yell at my daughter in public so she can hear me.

I have a husband that travels.

I have so many appointments and speech therapy sessions to keep up with on a weekly basis.

Both of my kids are hearing impared. They have to get hearing aids.

I have to learn another language.



I think have a right to be stressed. But I don't want people to think that I am. I don't want to be "that mother" that always seems frazzled and maxed out. I want to be that mom that looks like she has it together, even if she doesn't. I don't want people to see that its hard, even though it is. Better yet, I don't want it to be hard. But it is. I don't want to admit that this is hard and that I might be struggling. And I don't want people to pity me and I don't want to have to ask for help.



So yeah. I'm stressed. But I don't want to be. And I don't want people to know that I am. I want to be positive about all of this and I don't want people to think that its the end of the





I don't want people to think that I'm just "surviving," because I think I've got it more together than that. I really think that I'm handling all of this pretty well. I think I'm actually doing BETTER since I found out about Abby's hearing loss, because now I can put a lable on why she is so delayed. Its a relief to know that something can be done to help her. I go to bed every night with a sense of peace and accomplishment and I still like my kids at the end of the day. To me, that's enough.



This has been such a humbling experience in so many ways. I don't like to show weakness, and I need to learn that its okay. I don't like to ask for people's help, but I know I should.



There is no real conclusion to all of this venting. I just needed to let it out.



I'm strong and I can do this.

insanity

I've always loved photography. My mom was a newspaper photographer and editor, so maybe I got my love of it from her. As a kid I took pictures and entered them in school contests and stuff, but it hasn't been until lately that I've really wanted to get serious about it. I think having kids makes you realize how fleeting moments are, and what better way to remember them than to capture them in a photograph. And with my kids having hearing loss, I want the pictures that I take to compensate for whatever memories their hearing loss might have taken away from them.

I've really wanted an SLR camera for a long time, and for a while now I've been doing a lot of research deciding which camera I want to buy. I also had the chance to borrow a friend's Nikon D80 yesterday to take pictures at a friend's very informal wedding. I've LOVED abosorbing myself in the photography world, but I feel like I'm going insane. Every time I closed my eyes last night, all I could see was different camera shots I had taken and how I could have improved them. It seems like now I see the world around me in frames and camera angles and one of the most common thoughts in my head lately is, "Oh, that would've been a good shot." It's like my perspective on the way I view the world has changed. I hope my right brain settles down a little bit cause it's maddening.

Here are some of the pictures I took yesterday. I had SO much fun, but man, I have a lot to learn! The first three pictures are from my camera, and the rest are from the D80.

teethage, cheekage and clingage

Carter's teeth are finally starting to show, although its taking forever for them to come in. What a great smile!

I just love it when babies have a wardrobe malfunction. Look at that juciness!

Carter has been SO CLINGY lately. He wants to be held all the time and if I'm away from him for too long he gets so upset and tugs and begs at my legs, like in the picture above. Abby was never this way at his age, so I don't quite know what to do with him. At first I thought it was cause he's been sick and he's teething, but people tell me that this is a normal stage. Oh my gosh. Really? Cause I can't take much more of this.